i n t e r n a l..i n s a n i t y

at the college app meeting

2009-07-25T10:47:00.001-07:00

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
CHYEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS CARLO TYPING NOW!!!!
Featuring: Carnage (Carlo Damn...He fine)

It is an honor to blog on Angie's blog. I'd like to thank Blogger.com for giving me the oppurtunity to blog. I like to thank Dr. Townsel for making me be here. I'm hungry. I need a Big Texas like crazy...

unocarnage001.blogspot.com <------ SURFINONIT!!!

room roooom!

2009-07-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the day that I'll be on my own and driving my own car. I always thought it would be a sports car, classy and fast ;). This weekend has been car hunting week. I have checked out so many cars. And everyone had a problem; either the price was too high, the interior sucked, the engine and transmission wasn't as good as my family wants it to be. They are looking for a car that will take me places, places like Gainsville :). A car that has balls and endurance. A sexy car. After so much disappointment and frustration I finally got two absolutely amazing choices. A civic and a cougar...rawrrr.

2002 Honda Civic - Silver

I really liked this car, its very practical and a cute/great begining car none-the-less. Very

economical and great gas mileage [40 mpg]. This car drives amazingly, the engine and transmission is running perfectly, breaks are great too. Even though this car is great I'd have to

do alot of work on it. Get a spoiler, tint the windows, and put black covers on the headlights and taillights. Is it worth it? Yes, I believe so. With enough work and money :P this car will look freakin' sexy. But am I willing to waste so much money? I don't think

so.

Price: $4,600

Year: 2002

Mileage: 98,000

2001 Mercury Cougar - Yellow and Black

Absolutely my favorite one out of the two. This one, if I get it, I won't have to do anything on it because it has everything that I want: a spoiler, a muffler, black interior, leather seats, and something to

plug in an ipod. The only downside is is that it is a 6 cylinder which means it'll waste more gas.

The guy that is selling it is going to give us this thing that will make it drive like a 4 cylinder

when I drive slow which is great!. When I drove it I felt like I was somebody. I felt good. I felt dangerous. I felt sexy ;). I want this one. This is the one that I always thought and dreamed about. This car will take me places.

Price: $5,000

Year: 2001

Mileage: 49,000

Sadly, my problems don't stop there. I have to pay for insurance. The car that I'm getting is going to be a 2-door coupe which would mean higher insurance. 2-door coupe+my age(17)=SUPER HIGH INSURANCE! Answer? My mom is going to put it under her name. Problem? I still have to pay for the insurance. lol. About a $100 a month. I'd have to get a job. But I don't know how to balance school, work, and college apps. I have confidence and I'll try to work it out...somehow.

angela xoxo.

heartbroken?

2009-07-08T20:57:00.001-07:00

Heartbroken.

I find it kinda ironic really. I never thought I would say that. It makes me laugh. lol. My heart has been skipping beats. Well not really but it feels like my heart is struggling. Double beats? Irregular Heartbeat? I've been told its stress related. I have to agree alot has been going in my life these past few days so that would be a likely answer. I was scared though, I really didn't want to have a heart attack and die :(. I did some research and I believe its called a heart arrhythmia. It can be deadly. Causes? Disease (e.g., coronary artery disease, diabetes, cardiomyopathy), medications or drugs, an aging heart, metabolic problems; such as thyroid disease, stress, or have no evident cause. Problems with a heart arrhythmia? "If the electrical impulses controlling the heartbeat become irregular, too slow, too rapid, or if they bypass the normal conduction system, chaotic contractions may result. Depending on the arrhythmia's duration rate, degree of regularity and its effect on blood flow and blood pressure, it may be either insignificant or life-threatening."

Scary huh? Same thing I was thinking.

So i was thinking, if stress is my problem then I need to stop it right? De-stress myself. Live the life of Carlo. lol. Yes, I do remember what you told me today Carlo. I have to stop letting things stop bothering me and just do what I want to do for once. Have fun :). So i need to let go of a few things from my life. I don't know what they are yet. But here are my options: school? friendships? relationship? work?

I shouldn't even mention school. School is too precious to me. So thats out.

Friendships? Well thats not really an issue. If i don't like you I wouldnt' be talking to you anyway. lol

Relationship? As much as I wouldn't want to, I believe this is a main culprit of my stress. Hopefully things ease out before my body can't take it anymore.

Work? Yea thats a possibility. lol But i need money. damn

I don't know what to do. :P

Stress kills.

angela xoxo

RIP Michael Jackson

2009-07-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

grrr i have so much work to do this summer. lol. i feel so stressed! i don't know where to start all i know is that i have to do it. :P lol i guess i'll start today :)

ttyl

angela xoxo

p.s. this is a funny comic...enjoy :)

p.p.s i was just looking back at the comic and i feel that its not appropriate for today seeing that Michael Jackson's memorial was today. That is why i just changed my entry title.

feelings

2009-07-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Before i used to tell my friends all my problems that i go through but now i keep alot of things to myself. I am left to ponder and reminisce on my actions and decisions. It is hard because I am the type of person that enjoys feedback and/or criticism.

Going through something by myself with just my train of thought its something i don't want to go through ever again. The things I am going to write is not to harm or anger him. I just need to gather my thoughts, my worries, my feelings... and let them run wild.

I am doing this for myself to save my mind.

I have a problem and I am aware of it. I have set my standards very high for him. And when he doesn't match them or exceed them I am very disappointed. In a way he should be happy that i have done that, I don't set my standards so high for guys because I know they will disappoint me one way or the other. But i always knew he was different. When i am with him...it feels different, it feels good. I love the way I am when I am with him. He makes me happy. I love to make him happy.

But I feel that he's changed. I've been told that maybe its because we are used to each other. He says because I am his "wife." Those are all good reasons but no matter what what he is doing still doesn't make me feel special. I get bitter. And when I get bitter I take it out on him. He feels bad and he gets mad at me and I end up feeling like crap. I always apologize. He never does. And when i look back at it i'm sorry to say but it always traces back to him. He is the problem for my internal insanity. I don't think its fair that I always have to apologize when in truth its him. I try to tell him whats bothering me so he could fix it so I wouldn't be this way anymore...he does fix it sometimes but sometimes he doesn't.

I'm sorry for the way I come off sometimes. I may seem like I'm getting in your case all the time and I am but I'm not tryin to be mean and hurtful but that is just that way I come out when I'm hurt. You are right...you hurt me alot...more than you think. I always try to give you the benefit of the doubt, to give you a chance. But sometimes it seems like you don't care, like you don't want to fix things and you just spit it back to my face. Sometimes i wonder if you want me to break up with you. If that is the case i urge you to just do it because I am not going to, even thought I have told you I've thought about it doesn't mean i was going to do it. I want to be with you. I love you...

...but you are making things very hard for me. I actually hope you read this because like I told you before I'm not going to deal with this anymore, I am not going to let you treat me that way again. I thought you'd try to fix things between like I am trying, but you are not. You are doing that same thing you did 2 weeks ago.

Trust me when I say this that I understand that that is how you are and that that is just how you handle things. But even though I understand this I think you shouldn't be doing it when we are tryin to change things. I think you should try. You aren't. And the fact that you aren't... hurts. I start to think that you just don't care about our relationship anymore. Those are the thoughts that come into my head when i think about breaking up with you. Its your fault.

You know me. You know that I don't like materialistic items or gifts or anything. I like effort. I like to see you try to be with me, I like to read your texts when you text me, I like to see your name on my phone when you call me. I don't need to see you everyday or talk to you everyday but I'd like to see and feel that you care about me. I like the little things. I have always like them. I don't think you ever understood that. You don't do these things anymore that is why I'm not happy and that is why i've been getting mad at you so often. I don't feel that you love me as much as you used to. Do you get it now?

These past few weeks have been hard and I know it has been. I don't want us to end. Trust me if it was with anyone else i would have ended when they first disrespected me. But its different with you because I know that you don't mean it even thought I may not show it right then and there. I have been hard to deal with, I know I have been, but so have you. I know we can get through this. We both need to change. Relationships aren't for the sake of labels or just because you think you like that person, relationships are to grow as an individual. I think its time for us to mature a little. You need to grow up and change your way of dealing with this. I want this to get better and I am willing to stop getting angry at every little thing. I know this is corney but...it takes two to tango. I'm not going to try to fix this by myself forever. I need you to try if you want us to keep on going.

this is really long, but it really made me feel better. it made me put some things into perspective. thanks bloggy :)

angela xoxo

...and the tension continues.:(

2009-07-02T17:16:00.000-07:00

i haven't written in a while because so much stuff has been going on. there is so much going through my mind and i don't know where to start..

Preview:

Someone tried breaking into my house.

Watched Transformers and The Proposal.

Worked.

School.

Finally got to talk to him from 10 days of wait. :(

It didn't go as good as I planned.

I just want to get through this like we always do.

i hope all the things that he promised me weren't for no reason. i hope he understands that.

I love you. [o8.23.o8]

2nd day of work.

2009-06-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

I like the number two.
Thats why I decided to talk about my 2nd day of work.

Anything that comes second I believe is the greatest. "Second" allows you to improve yourself from the first time around, right? :)

Well I am taking care of little kids at a summer camp. They are 5 to 15 years old but most of them are younger than 9. They are little balls of energy; never do they seem to calm down. It makes me want to rethink my decision on having a big family. lol. They are a handful and you always seem to have to clean up after them.

I didn't do much; mostly because I had the morning shift and they only watch movies and play games. I just played with them and made sure they didn't hurt themselves.

I had a different bunch than yesterday's kids. These are more calmer and I am so greatful for it, I don't go home tired anymore. lol.

I don't think I am as strict as I should be with them. Well atleast they are not walking all over me.

I got the pants in this.

decisions.

2009-06-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

Crossroads.

I hate them.

They are periods in life where you have to make decisions and just hope for the best. There have been many points in my life where I've had to make hard decisions. Whether it was changing schools, neighborhoods (even though that one wasn't really my decision), and gaining or letting go of certain friends.

I've never had to make a decision like this before. I've given it a lot of thought. Especially recently since I've had about two days to contemplate it. On the other hand, I have thought about this before when similar situations arose. Its not fair. I never thought it was fair. But where are you to turn when you just don't feel happy?

I'll guess I'll just wait and see what happens....again.

Story of my life.

random thoughts.

2009-06-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

I just about finished editing my BLOG and I like how it turn out, don't you agree? Greys, pinks, greens, and blues. Such a lovely combination. So I'm sitting here at my computer and honestly I don't know what to write. Grr its frustrating. I might end up babbling and rambling about absolutely nothing. Somewhat like a word salad (schizophrenic disorder). Aww look at Snoopy he is confused too. :) Today I got a letter from Johns Hopkins University (my dream school); totally gave me an incentive to apply. It will be a challenge to get accepted. But a loser is someone who doesn't try, and i'm no loser. I'm going to do my best and appeal to their standards. You know sometimes I am scared that my SAT/ACT scores will inhibit my acceptance into Universities. I know that I have the determination, commitment, and the ability to be part of a rigurous university but they don't see that because they don't know me. So see how bittersweet that is. :'( But i'm going to try my hardest to get the ACT scores I need :) So on to another topic. THANKS Carlo for setting up my BLOG.:) it looks sexy doesn't it? hehehe. I still have to add things to it but i'll do that later. But yea i guess i'll just end my first blog. i'm not very inspired right now. so when i am, you'll see a new post :) ttyl

*-xoxo angela -*